


It's Always Been You

by Call_Me_Kayyyyy (Cheeky9274), your_local_awkward_barista



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Best Friends, F/M, Fanart, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:22:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cheeky9274/pseuds/Call_Me_Kayyyyy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/your_local_awkward_barista/pseuds/your_local_awkward_barista
Summary: “I’m not sure if I’m worth all this, Steve.”“What you did all those years ago, it wasn’t you.”***Ever since Bucky became an Avenger and moved into the compound with Steve, Nat, Tony, Sam, and everyone else, he keeps coming back to those long nights in Hydra’s facility, wondering day after day – at least he thought it was, he wasn’t sure whether it was day or night anymore – if Steve would come. That is, until Hydra took himself out and put something else in. The weapon that was everything but a gift to man kind. He never did stop wondering, and now he doesn’t have to. Because he’s safe now. Bucky knows that he’s safe, but on the inside… he just can’t grasp it. This is his new reality; waking up almost every night in a cold sweat with the ghost of Hydra’s touch embarked everywhere on his body, the scars from him trying to remove his weapon of an arm off whenever he could; despite the high risk of being caught and suffering major consequences. But what he remembers most vividly is the look on Steve’s face when he fell from that train. That fucking train.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt as an author, and I also have never used ao3 before, so I hope this all goes smoothly and I hope you all enjoy this collab!!! <3

“I’m sorry, Buck,” you say, as the busy streets are making noise in the background beneath the little balcony of the coffee shop you and Bucky are in. You feel there’s something there between the two of you, but it’s just not standard love-relationship feelings. You study Bucky’s facial expression, but it doesn’t look…sad. In fact, you can’t really tell what Bucky’s thinking or feeling.

“Don’t be sorry, y/n,” Bucky finally says after a moment pause. He smiles softly as he looks at you. He then continues, “I’ve actually had similar feelings about you. Don’t get me wrong, I do love you y/n, it’s just… these feelings aren’t love-love, either.”

You smile and let out a little laugh of relief.

“Really?? I was so worried what you would think, or that I’d hurt you, I was so scared-“

“Y/n,” Bucky stops you. “You could never hurt me, I want you to know that. Never apologize for being honest. Okay?”

You look into his eyes, as tears start to well up in yours. You’ve always loved Bucky, for how honest he is; how caring, empathetic, gentle. It’s what you’ve always loved about him. You can imagine how Steve feels, ever since they were kids, to have that safe person to go to. The thought alone makes you smile as tears fall down your cheeks.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Bucky asks, visibly concerned.

“Nothing,” you say, as you wipe a tear from your cheek. “Just a little emotional, I guess. I’m just so happy, I would never want to hurt you. You’re my best friend, Nat, Steve and everyone, too.”

“You’re my best friend too, just same as the rest of them. I love those guys, each and every one of them… though Sam can be a pain sometimes.”

You both laugh.

“But I wouldn’t change it for the world. I love each and every one of you… You guys are like family to me.”

You look at Bucky, eyes a little wide and slightly glossy.

“What?”

“You guys are like family to me,” Bucky says again. “…though now that I think about it that kinda sounds a little incestuous, considering you and I were a couple up until just a few moments ago.”

You let out a laugh, almost choking on your scone.

“That’s so creepy!”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Bucky apologizes, a little embarrassed, as you take a sip of your coffee.

“Don’t be, Buck. I just want you to be happy.”  
Bucky smiles at you before he gets up to put his pastry bag in the garbage, as he grabs yours too as you stand up to put your coat on. He returns, grabbing his jacket, throwing it on over his black long-sleeved Henley. He grabs his coffee and yours, before giving you a kiss on the cheek. You let out a little giggle, “What was that for?”

“I don’t know, just felt like it. I want you to be happy too, sis.”

You both laugh as you head out of the coffee shop doors, little did you know at the time what that meant for you to be happy.  
****  
“Hey you two, how was brunch?” asks Steve, as the two of you enter through the entrance to the compound. You feel a small ping in your chest, you don’t know how to tell Steve you just technically broke up with his childhood best friend.

“It was good,” Bucky responds. “Y/n broke up with me.”

You damn near spit out the sip of coffee you just took.  
“B-Bucky! …St-Steve I-“ you stammer.  
Bucky laughs, “I’m sorry, y/n, I just couldn’t help myself”.

Poor Steve is just standing there looking at the two of you trying to take in what the hell is going on.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa – you’re telling me the two of you broke up? Like actually, just recently, over brunch??!”

You and Bucky look at each other and laugh, as Nat enters and overhears the conversation – well how can she, given Steve is practically shouting at the moment.

“Wait, WHAT??” Nat asks, causing a commotion.

“Yeah, it’s true,” Bucky kind of chuckles to himself. “She broke up with me-“

“I-it was a mutual dumping,” you stammer, still. “I told James I still love him, but it’s a different kind of love… One that didn’t feel like the kind in a typical love-relationship”.

“Exactly, and I told her I felt the same, and I do!” Bucky finishes off.

“Looks like we know what the boss is going to be talking about later,” Bucky joked.

“Uh, I heard that,” Tony voices over the intercom. “You alright there, Manchurian candidate? I know you and tip-toes were close,” Tony always called you tip-toes because of your stealth nature and how you could sneak up on perpetrators on missions. In the beginning you thought it was a little odd, but now it’s kind of growing on you, though Tony doesn’t know that yet.

“Yeah, I mean it’s all good. It just seemed better we remain friends, it’s mutual,” Buck explains.

“Yes, exactly,” you add, finishing off that conversation.

“Well, looks like the others will have something to look forward to during dinner time,” Steve chuckles to himself as you all head out of the kitchen to your rooms.  
*****  
Later that evening, you, Nat, Steve, Bucky, and Steve are all training together. Yourself and Nat were practicing your hand-to-hand combat skills, while Steve and Bucky were practicing their defense mechanisms. Sam… well, he had enough for the evening and was sitting on a bench with his water. While you and Nat were working up a nice sweat, you noticed Bucky had this look in his eye… you’ve seen this look before, and it was probably one of, if not thee, favourite looks of his. He was genuinely happy while he was fighting Steve, of course when you say fight you mean training, but the way his eyes just light up is… so familiar. Like he’s safe, he’s... home.

As Bucky and Steve are going at it, Steve hooks his leg underneath Bucky’s left knee, causing him to lose his balance a little and topple over – with Steve still hooked behind his leg. Bucky falls to the mat, but as they’re going down, Steve grabs Bucky’s upper thigh on instinct to try to catch his balance, but that doesn’t work. Steve’s pretty sure he heard Bucky moan a little under his breath, but he wasn’t sure…

When they hit the mat, Steve falls on top of Bucky, his hand still grasping Bucky’s thigh. Unaware of it, Bucky turns a little red, but Steve is too busy laughing, scrambling to get up. He reaches his hand out to help Bucky up, he grabs it, thanking god Steve didn’t notice his hardening member behind the loose fabric of his gym shorts…

“But… why??” Bucky thinks to himself as he’s grabbing his towel to go back to his room to shower. “Well, y/n knows that was a spot that made me weak when we were still dating, maybe that could be it? Unless…. No, that’s ridiculous,” Bucky thinks as he gets off the elevator walking down the hall to his apartment. He throws his towel on the bed with his water bottle as he peels off his t-shirt heading to the bathroom, “No, it can’t be, Steve’s my best friend, there’s no way I could be into him that way, I mean, we were kids in the 40’s that was then, this is now,” his mind continues as he turns the shower on and finishes getting undressed. “Sure, I knew I loved Steve then, but not like this – wait, I’m jumping to conclusions at this point, all it was was Steve grabbing the spot that y/n used to,” as he closed the shower door, letting the hot water run on his face and hair, as it flowed gently down his back.

“Mmm, that water feels nice,” he says quietly aloud as he runs his hand through his hair, letting the water get all over. He pours some shampoo into his hand as he begins lathering his hair getting all of the sweat and grease out. He rinses, but as he goes to grab his sponge, it grazes his member, sending electricity through his body – he didn’t realize he was still aroused from earlier. He lets out a small moan, as he lets his hand travel to that same spot Steve grasped and he can feel his member hardening even more than it was. Without holding back, he wraps his hand around his length, fisting himself gently but quickly. Since it’s his apartment, he left the bathroom door open, but he didn’t realize passerby’s outside his apartment can hear his sounds of pleasure.

One of those passerby’s happened to be none other than the man himself, Steven Grant Rogers. As Steve was walking past Bucky’s apartment to his room a few doors down, he heard Bucky let out a loud moan, making him stop in his tracks. It took a minute for him to register what he was hearing, “is y/n in there with him??” Steve thought to himself. “No, the two of them seemed to be genuine about being just friends and came to that agreement.”

Just then, Bucky let out a subtle calling of a certain someone’s name, but it was muffled so Steve didn’t really hear it, but it sounded like… Steve. Steve’s ears and face became bright red, realizing what exactly he was doing: standing in the hallway listening to his best friend since childhood getting himself off in the shower. He darted to his room, taking his clothes off and getting in the shower himself. Though he didn’t know what to think, he showered anyway and just let his thoughts process themselves. When he got out, he dried off and got dressed, pulling on sweatpants and a t-shirt heading down to the kitchen to grab a drink.

Bucky and Nat were downstairs, talking in the kitchen while Wanda and Vision were in the living room on the couch playing cards. You soon came downstairs yourself, to grab a drink before you went to bed.

“Good workout today, everyone,” Nat said as she acknowledged everyone now in the kitchen.

“Yeah, it was a good one this evening,” you reply, opening your bottle of water taking a sip.

“I was a little clumsy today,” Bucky laughs as he takes a drink from his tea.

“You’re telling me, buddy. Since when do you topple over while we’re sparring?” Steve jokes, taking a drink from his bottle of water.

“Oh, c’mon, man,” Bucky chuckles, putting his mug in the sink to wash in the morning.

“What is this, a cocktail party and I wasn’t invited?” Tony asks, entering the kitchen as everyone laughs.

“No, Tony, we were just talking about the training session today,” Nat responds.

“Ahh, I see. Well, tomorrow I’m throwing a cocktail party and I want you all there.”

“Sounds good, we’ll be there and ready,” Nat claims, speaking for the group. That’s how she is, and you love her anyway.

“Alrighty, well, I’m heading to bed. Goodnight all,” Tony says to everyone and head to his apartment/penthouse.

“Goodnight,” you all chime together.

“Well, I suppose I should go to bed too gents and lady,” Nat says as she headed to the elevators. “Goodnight kids.”

“Night, Nat,” you say. “I should get to bed too, goodnight fellas,” you say as you can’t help but smile at the two of them standing together.

“Goodnight,” they both chirp, as you head to the elevators with Nat.

“We should head to bed too, pal,” Bucky says as he looks at Steve with a spark in his eyes.

“Yeah, good idea.”

They both head to the elevators, as Steve turns the lights out in the kitchen and living room – Wanda and Vis fell asleep on the couch together and he didn’t want to wake him. He just put a blanket over them, he’s a sweetheart like that.

The ride up to their apartments was a nice one, it was silent, but a different kind of silence. When the elevator dinged to their floor, they both walked side by side to their rooms.  
“Goodnight, Buck,” Steve said, as he headed to his door.

“Goodnight Steve,” Bucky responded as he was still standing at his door.

Steve smiled at him before opening his apartment door and leaving Bucky in the hallway. He closed the door and let his head rest on the door, his breathing picked up slightly, and his member a little hard for some reason. “Oh god… I… I-,” he breathes heavily, “I think I’m starting to have a thing for my best friend,” he says aloud to himself. He turns around and heads to his closet as he rubs his hands over his face, slightly messing up his hair in the process as well. “God, what if we just made out right there in the elevator on the way up, what if-,” he could feel his breathing pick up and heart race at the thought. “I need to stop, Bucky-,” he damn near moaned aloud at the though of Bucky’s hands on his chest, all over him.

His heart was really beating, his chest almost heaving at the naughty thoughts going through his head right now. He wanted Bucky in his arms, he wanted to kiss him, have him, anything. Steve takes his shirt off, and tosses it to the floor, sitting at the foot of his bed as he starts to slide off his sweatpants, but he stops and starts to fantasize. He closes his eyes and lays down slowly on his back, his hands trembling at the thoughts on his mind. He slowly takes off his sweatpants, tossing them off to the side with his t-shirt, hooking his hands in his boxer briefs, slowly sliding them down his thighs, letting his behind feel the softness of his bedsheets, his rock-hard cock with leaking precum shining at the tip. The air is a little cold, only making him more turned on at the sensations. He lets out a low moan, stroking himself as he quickly loses control. He starts panting, getting himself off right there at the foot of his bed, while Bucky is a few doors over, doing the exact same thing.

End of chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

The sun shines through Bucky’s curtains, he just lays there in his t-shirt and boxers from a well-rested night. He runs his hand through his luscious locks as he shifts beneath the covers, his white duvet gently resting on his chest. “I suppose I better get up for the day,” he thinks to himself. “I need me a cuppa joe,” he says aloud as he gets out of bed to open his curtains. A bird is flying in the distance. Bucky smiles softly to himself, though he’s unsure why, he’s usually not a morning person – anyone in the compound could tell you that. But today seems… different. 

He tiredly stumbles to his dresser, pulls out a grey Henley from his shirt drawer and some black sweats from the bottom, and goes to wash up for the day. As he’s washing up, he looks in the mirror at his reflection. A small frown tugging at the corners of his mouth. Every time he looks in the mirror, that’s all he can see – the winter soldier. The monster that killed thousands of people. The monster that killed the parents of the man who’s throwing a party this evening – and somehow this man is still civil with Buck. That’s one thing that Bucky cannot fathom. He killed Tony’s mom. 

Bucky swallows hard as he pulls his strands into a low manbun. It’s the only thing that makes him feel not so terrible about who he is. He shakes it off and goes downstairs to find everyone else in the kitchen having coffee and talking amongst themselves. He spots you, pouring a cup of coffee for yourself, and he smiles gently. You always did like your cuppa joe in the morning. You happen to glance up and meet his eyes with yours. You give him a warm smile, as you go to grab another mug from the espresso-coloured cabinets. 

“G’morning,” Bucky softly speaks as he goes to get the mug from you. 

“Morning, Buck,” everyone chimes as you all continue amongst your morning munchies.

“So, you guys ready for my big shindig tonight?” asks Tony. “It’s going to be great, going to have dancing, drinks, obviously, and maybe even a little bit of my beautiful music taste in there.”

“Oh yeah, so beautiful,” you say, as you throw a grape at him.

“Deary, I thought you liked my music taste?” Tony jokingly pouts as he eats the grape you threw at him.

“I do peaches, it’s just the boasting that gets me.”

“Ugh-“ Tony playfully clutches his chest. “You hurt me. She’s a cruel one, tippy-toes is a cruel one! I’m off to go get some things and my three piece from the cleaners, be good!” Tony hollers as he exits the kitchen toward his garage.

“That man, I swear!” You exclaim as you toss a grape into your mouth.

“Do you have a dress tippy-toes or do you need to go out and get one?” Nay playfully chimes as you put your mug in the sink to wash later.

“Actually I need to go get one. How about yours, or is that not an option?” you ask, as you put the rest of the fruit in back in the fridge.

“No, ever since that little tidbit of me being a little tied up before I had to go get Banner I haven’t really worn it since.”

“Well, it’s settled,” Steve speaks up after sitting back and enjoying that little episode. “You ladies can go dress shopping, while me and the boys will get everything here set up” Steve announces as he finishes his coffee. 

“I’m sorry, we?” Sam utters as he finishes the last of his oatmeal. 

“Yes, we. C’mon, it’ll be great.” Steve always was the one to take control. They call him Captain America for a reason. 

“Alrighty, then. You boys have fun while us girls get on out of here,” Nat proclaims as she pushes you to the elevators to your apartments to get changed and ready to go. Obviously she was a little excited. 

“Hey, Wanda, you coming??” You holler into the living room as she gets up off the couch. Her and Vis have been sleeping there all night. She gets up as the three of you giggle like school girls as you hurry to the elevators to get ready. 

The three of you head out to Times Square, usually there’s some good dresses at H&M at the heart of the city. You ladies stop and grab a coffee at Starbucks before you head to it, the girls always teased you how much espresso shots you get in yours. 

“Hey, it helps me get through it and with Tony’s party it’s going to be interesting,” You retort as you head downtown to hunt down those right pieces for Tony’s party.  
You three laugh as you head back downtown to finishing finding your pieces.  
*******************************************************************************************************************************************************  
“Alrighty boys, let’s get this show on the road,” Steve says as he gets off the ladder finishing up the last of the decorations.

“Do you think they will like it?” Bucky asks as he helps Steve get down and finishes off the last of the decorations.

“I think it should be alright, it doesn’t look to bad if I say so myself,” Steve claims as he steps back to admire his, Bucky’s and Sam’s handy work. 

“Alright, I don’t know about you fellas but I think we should go get ready before the girls get back,” Sam says as he grabs the last of the boxes.

“Yeah, alright, let’s go.”  
********************************************************************************************************************************************************  
The music is playing loud and proud as you come downstairs from the elevators on the main floor. You enter through the doors to the common room where mostly everyone else is. Before you join Bucky and Steve, you take a look at yourself in the giant mirror. You’re wearing a dark green little number with black open-toed slingbacks. Your hair is in a messy yet fancy bun, with smoky eyes and ruby lips. You feel you look okay, and you go to meet your boys by the bar. 

“Wow, you look amazing,” Bucky greets you as he kisses your cheek.

“Thanks, James,” you exclaim as you tuck loose strands behind your ear. 

“Yeah, she’s as pretty as a picture,” Steve states as he tosses an almond in his mouth from a little silver bowl on the bar next to all of you.

“I see you ladies had a nice time shopping for dresses,” Sam says as he takes a drink of his brandy.

“We did, Sam. It was nice,” you finish as you see Nat and Wanda and Vis come in. You wave them over to the four of you. 

“Hey there gorgeous, you look amazing as always,” you say to Nat as you give her a kiss on the cheek. 

“Why, thank you beautiful, you’re looking stunning as always,” Nat proclaims as you both laugh and order drinks at the bar.  
Vis and Wanda make their way over to you all as you five stand together talking. 

Eventually, Tony makes his way over to the DJ table and says into the mike, “Enjoy yourselves ladies and gentlemen, you’re on Tony time now!” as he raises his tall skinny glass of chardonnay. 

“Pfft hahaha, Tony time, I love it!” Nat exclaims as she clinks her glass to all of yours. 

“There’s only one after all,” you exclaim as you take a drink of your cocktail. 

You take a look at Bucky, but you notice something seems… off. You’re not entirely sure what it is, but you know you’ve seen that look before.  
You’ve seen that look, you know you have. You keep an eye on Bucky all night, and as the party heats up more and more, he seems to be more and more distant. You know he has PTSD, almost all of them do, but still. This might be an episode, you know you’ve seen this before. Just as you go to see how he’s doing, he’s gone. You look at the clock, it’s already after midnight. “Maybe he’s gone to bed, I mean I would too soon, it is getting pretty late,” you think to yourself as you go to put your glass down on the bar countertop. You’ve had three drinks in total, you cut yourself off for the night. You’re not drunk, you can start to feel a little bit of a buzz thought. You’re usually the “mom-friend” of the group, you like to keep a watch on everyone despite the fact that there’s two super soldiers and Tony that is slightly older than you, but c’mon, we’re all young at heart, here. 

“I think I’m going to call it a night,” you tell Nat as you say goodnight and goodbye to the guests at the party before saying goodnight to the man of the evening more than hour.  
As you ride up the floors in the elevator to your apartment level, you can’t help but worry about Bucky. You stop by his apartment first to see if he’s ok.

“Hey, Bucky? You okay?” you ask as you gently knock on the door.

“Yeah, y/n, I’m fine,” Bucky responds from behind the door.

“Can I come in?”

“…yeah.”

You slowly yet gently open the door, to find Bucky sitting on the side of his bed, his tie undone, and he has a book on his nightstand. He looks at you with soft yet tired eyes, but there’s no spark in them like there was yesterday. You walk over and sit down next to him.

“I know that look,” you gently say to him as he looks at you with those ocean-like eyes.

“It’s just- *sigh* I… I just want to make sense of things. I’m just scared, I guess. I haven’t felt like this since I was just a kid in Brooklyn.”

“….You love him,” you gather as he looks off into the distance, his jaw slightly clenched.

Bucky closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I do.”

You smile softly as you put an arm on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s going to be okay,” you reassure as you try to ease his mind. You bet it’s hard to try to get your thoughts and feelings sorted out when you’ve fallen in love with your best friend since childhood. And for your two boys, well… that’s a long time. 

“It will be okay,” you continue as you rub his shoulder and back in a comforting manner. “I know it will be. I promise.” You kiss his cheek before you stand up to head out. “Try to get some sleep, Buck. Please?”

“Yeah,” Bucky says as you head toward the door. He rubs his hands over his face as he sighs in emotion. “Hey, y/n?” He asks before you close the door.

“Yes, James?” 

“Thanks… for... checking up on me, I guess. It means a lot.”

“Of course, you know I’ll always be here for you,” you say before you leave. “Now get some sleep. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Bucky says as you shut the door and leave him for the night.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s after 1 in the morning and Bucky still hasn’t slept despite being tired. He’s tossing and turning and he can’t stop thinking about everything. How he loves Steve, his best friend since they were kids in the 30’s, after 80 years they came back together again and it feels like nothing has changed. Well, almost nothing. But every now and then it comes back in his mind that he’s the winter soldier. The monster that killed thousands of people over the course of all those tortured years. It takes him back to that time Steve and everyone else was trying to save him during that fight at the airport in Germany. 

“I’m not sure if I’m worth all this, Steve.”  
“What you did all those years ago, it wasn’t you.”

Ever since Bucky became an Avenger and moved into the compound with Steve, Nat, Tony, Sam, and everyone else, he keeps coming back to those long nights in Hydra’s facility, wondering day after day – at least he thought it was, he wasn’t sure whether it was day or night anymore – if Steve would come. That is, until Hydra took himself out and put something else in. The weapon that was everything but a gift to man kind. He never did stop wondering, and now he doesn’t have to. Because he’s safe now. Bucky knows that he’s safe, but on the inside… he just can’t grasp it. This is his new reality; waking up almost every night in a cold sweat with the ghost of Hydra’s touch embarked everywhere on his body, the scars from him trying to remove his weapon of an arm off whenever he could; despite the high risk of being caught and suffering major consequences. But what he remembers most vividly is the look on Steve’s face when he fell from that train. That fucking train. 

“Steve….” Bucky whispers while tears threatened to roll down his cheeks, clutching his pillow so tight his knuckles on his flesh hand were almost white.

“Steve… I’m so sorry… So sorry” While trying to grasp anything he could from having an attack and waking everyone up down the hallway from his room at this ungodly hour. He thought the clock by his bedside drawer said 2:30 but who the hell knows from the tears stinging his eyes.

Bucky wants to let go, he wishes he could make things right. He wants to hold Steve and make sure he’s okay, he wants to protect him even though Steven is the one with the name of Captain fucking America. Bucky couldn’t care less about the name, he’s even said so himself.

“You ready to follow ‘Captain America’ into the jaws of death?”  
“Hell, no. That little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb to run away from a fight. I'm following him.”

Bucky remembers like it was yesterday what it used to be like, before he got drafted into the war, before Steve got the serum. Back when they were… kids. They used to sit on the fire escape outside Steve’s apartment, watching the traffic below, taking in the scenery, and drinking root beer as if nothing would change. 

Now look at them, both with PTSD and Bucky’s falling apart at the thought of all of the things they used to do and now how Steve must feel about him. Bucky starts crying at the thought of losing Steve. The tears break free, they start falling. He can’t hold it in anymore. His best friend in the whole world is friends with a monster. Bucky’s breathing begins to pick up, he feels as though the walls could close in on him. He can’t focus on anything, he’s scared. He sits up and puts his hands in his hair, over his face to stop the screaming, the thoughts in his head from Hydra, all of it, he just wants it to stop, NEEDS it to stop. 

“Steve….” Bucky cries to himself. “I’m so sorry. I can’t lose you… I-“ He starts crying a little harder now. “I… I-I c-can’t. Not again.”

“I can’t lose you again, Steve.”

End of Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky woke up the next morning after finally falling asleep at goodness knows what time. He went to his bathroom and had a shower to wash off the pain of last nights events. After a very long and hot shower, he went back down to the main level with everyone else and flopped on the couch. You had an inkling Bucky would have a rough night despite telling him to get some rest, but you do know him exceptionally well, so you made him a coffee and brought him his favourite muffin.

“Thanks, y/n,” Bucky says as he takes the coffee and muffin from you as you give him a soft yet slightly concerned smile. Judging by his eyes, he did sleep last night but not a full 8-ish hours. 

“Hey, why don’t we do something today, it’s Saturday after all,” Nat proclaims as she hops off the stool in the kitchen island and makes her way into the common room with a few of you. 

“Yeah, that sounds good, actually!” Wanda exclaims as she finishes her granola bar. You’ve always thought she was so cute when she ate, you don’t know why. 

“Why don’t you, Sam and I do something Buck?” Steve asks as he goes to join them in the common room bringing his mug with him.

“Oh sorry I’d love to but I have some things for the group therapy session to go over today followed by a meeting,” Sam speaks up as he joins everyone in the common room. 

“That’s ok Sam, me and Buck can do something like old times,” Steve says as he sits next to Bucky on the couch. Bucky blushes a little bit, and as far as Bucky can tell, you’re the only one that notices, thank god. 

“Awe, that should be fun,” Nat exclaims, “I was thinking me and the girls can go catch a movie and have a day on the town.”

“That sounds awesome, Nat!” Wanda excitedly says as she stands up.

“Yeah, it does,” you say as you smile at the energy in the room and the fact that your boys will have the day to themselves since everyone else is taken, and quite frankly you’re excited for them. That’s why you broke up with Bucky, not just for that, but also because you also you always wanted them to get together.

“We should get dressed and head out, we can discuss more of what we can do after we’re dressed,” you say as you all start to stand up and head out to the elevators. 

“There’s a showing this evening at the Odeon downtown. Why don’t we go check it out,” Nat inquires as you all head to your apartments.  
“Oh heck yes.”  
**********************************************************************************************************************************************************************

“You boys have a good night!” exclaims the barista as Steve and Bucky head out the doors with that little jingle that always left that iconic New York coffee shop vibe in the minds of those who take time to notice the little things – at least, that’s what Bucky thinks now that he’s home; he’s back home with Steve.

“She’s nice, isn’t she?” asks Steve as the two of them walk along the calm and quiet streets lit up with shop signs and the smooth flow of traffic lights heading each way. 

“Yeah. It’s nice to know people like that are left in this world.”

“Buck-“

“I know, I’m sorry. I’m fine though, Steve. I just mean it’s nice to have people in your presence that do even the simplest things that make someone’s day better, even if they don’t think it’s that big a deal. I think I’ll bring her a flower or something.”

“You were always the gentleman, weren’t you?” asks Steve, jokingly as he gently bumps his arm into Bucky’s while they walk, heading towards the little bookstore – Steve needed some more drawing pencils, it helps him when he can’t sleep. 

“Oh c’mon man,” Bucky chuckles, “I just think she deserves to know she’s appreciated.”

“I know, buddy.” Steve looks at Bucky with those blue eyes of his, gentle yet concerned. Bucky was the greatest thing that ever happened to him – ever since they were kids. He just wishes he could take his pain away, even if that meant doubling his own. Bucky keeps looking at the scenery, his hands in his pockets, while Steve is just looking at him. His world. 

“Oooh, it’s a bit chilly out tonight.” You exclaim as you zip up your jacket, heading out of the little Japanese restaurant with Nat and Wanda heading out right behind you.

“We told you to not to wear that jacket, it’s cool out here,” Nat jokingly scolds. 

“I don’t get how you can wear leather and not be cold, it’s astounding to me,” laughs Wanda, rubbing her arms as she hugs herself while wearing Nat’s old red leather jacket. 

“Hey, when you can work just fine in leather and take out Hydra’s goons while still lookin’ good, then you can survive just about anything.”

You all laugh, exchanging chit-chat on your way to the movies for the evening showing of Ocean’s 8 (you may be SHIELD’s top ladies working as part of the Avengers, but that doesn’t mean you can’t catch a good film with some of the most powerful ladies in Hollywood). The crisp night air is nice, even though the three of you are huddled together walking downtown to the local Odeon for your 9 o’clock showing. 

“Do you guys want some popcorn?” asks Wanda as you three enter through the glass doors to the entrance of the movie theatre. 

“Ooh, and Junior Mints!” exclaims Nat.

“You can get your Junior Mints, but I’m putting peanut butter m&m’s in my popcorn,” you state. The three of you pay for your food, and go towards the nice ticket-man – you could never remember what that job position was called, everyone always teased you about it. After he rips your ticket stubs, you head towards your destination to the auditorium.

“I wonder what the boys are doing,” ponders Wanda, “Vis said he had to go run errands and couldn’t go with Steve and Bucky”.

“I know Sam was running another group meeting for [insert group meeting from tws],” said Nat.

You felt a little flutter in your stomach. You didn’t know what it was, but you just assumed it was.. hopeful. Hopeful that the two of them might finally end up together; that was why you broke up with Bucky – not because you didn’t love him, you’ll always have a soft spot in your heart for him. For all your boys. But because you knew there was something there between Steve and James. There always has been – you just wanted something to come from it and simply give them a little *push* in the right direction. You and Nat both. 

After a nice stroll through the streets and along the water, the boys get to their destination. Steve knows exactly what he’s looking for, and Buck follows him, looking at the vintage titles section while Steve makes a direct bee-line to the pencil isle. He knows he could simply just go to the art store, but there’s something about this bookstore that makes him feel more at home. Maybe it’s the soft lighting along the various shelves. Maybe it’s the smell of ink and paper. Or, maybe it’s because he knows Bucky secretly likes coming with him to browse the science section – modern technology always did fascinate him, after all.

“You found what you were looking for pretty quick,” teases Bucky, “are you sure you got everything - the right ones you wanted?”

“Yeah I did, we’re good to go,” almost everything. “did you want to get anything while we’re here?” Bucky looks over the book he’s been flipping through, carefully. “You always did like that title,” states Steve.

“Yeah. I don’t know” Bucky ponders, “I might just get it later. It’s not something I would usually buy” idiot. He probably thinks I’m acting weird and wondering why. God, why am I like this??

“You know we’ll be back, I’m sure it will still be here.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe I’ll get it next time”. And maybe next time I’ll be able to tell you how I feel about you. How I’ve always felt.

I want to buy that for you, thinks Steve. I want to buy you everything you’ve ever wanted; I want to buy you the world for everything you’ve done for me since we were kids. 

~~~

After Bucky and Steve head out of the bookstore and grab a couple mochas to go, they walk along the sidewalk, their steps synchronizing with each stride, as they hear a crash of what sounds like a glass bottle in the alleyway coming up. They exchange concerned glances and walk a little faster towards the alley, until they hear a woman scream. They both burst into a sprint as they come to the opening, and see a guy holding a woman with a knife to her throat while another brood is holding a gun to what must be the woman’s dogs’ head. The woman’s purse is on the ground between them, though it appears to be empty – what the thieves are looking for must obviously not be in there. The two thieves stop what they’re doing and immediately draw their attention to Steve and Bucky ready to take matters into their own hands.

“Is there something we can do for you, pretty boys? No? Scram,” says the one with the dog.

“Heh, pretty boy. That’s a new one” retorts Buck, reaching for his scarf in his back pocket, 

“I always preferred handsome, myself” remarks Steve. 

“Shut it, blondie! Or you will never get to see this beautiful face again,” shouts the man holding the woman. She’s scared for her life, Bucky and Steve could see it in her eyes.

“As far as I can tell,” interrupts Bucky, “this young woman and her dog wouldn’t mind not seeing the two of you shitheads again. Now how about we show you two jerks just how *pretty* I can be?”

And with that Bucky and Steve each went after one of the thugs, without so much as another word. It happened so quickly. Bucky used his scarf like a lasso and wrapped it around the man with the knife’s wrist so tight and sudden it caused him to drop it, and with the quick pull of Buck’s scarf, he broke his wrist. The woman scrambled to get free, as he was ready to fight Bucky with his only good hand. She grabbed her cell phone and quickly called 911. Meanwhile, the thug with the dog was concerned about Steve. While Bucky was pulling a MacGyver with his scarf, Steve was relying on his “more than just a shield” hand-to-hand combat skills. With one swift kick he knocked the gun out of the guy’s hand – easily missing the pup – and kicked it away from him so none of them could grab it. The guy did give Steve a good hit though while he was concerned about the duo and gun. Afterwards all he had to do was one quick right hook to the guy’s face and with a broken nose he dropped the pup, which then proceeded to bite at his leg. With a sudden sweep of the feet, the man was on the ground, dazed at what just happened. Little did he know him and his thug buddy were up against two super-soldiers. 

The police came quick. There was a cruiser a few streets over so they responded to the call right away. Steve and Bucky made sure the woman was safe while the cops dealt with the two thugs and put them away. 

“Are you alright?” asked the woman, concerned that Bucky’s cheek was bleeding. Steve quickly grabs a clean napkin and presses it to Bucky’s cheek, also just as worried about the shiner near his eye. 

“Thank you for saving me,” she said with tear-stained cheeks and fresh tears in her eyes. 

“It was the least we could do,” Steve reassured her. “Say, why don’t we walk you home, if that was where you were going?”

“Really? Oh no, I don’t want to disturb you two if you were busy, you’ve done so much for us already.”

“It’s really no trouble at all, we were just coming from the bookstore,” as Steve holds up his bag with his pencils in it. 

The woman smiles as fresh tears escape her eyelids. 

The three of them walk and talk as they escort her to her apartment building. After a few blocks they reach their destination. 

“Is the little guy okay?” asked Bucky. He was more of a cat person but he does know the importance of a bond between a pet and its owner.

“Oh yes, he’s ok. I just need to give him a bath and we’ll be better.”

“I’m glad to hear that” Says Steve.

“Are you sure we can’t assist you with anything else?” asks Bucky.

“I’m okay, really. Thank you, gentlemen. Now, if I may, what are your names? I’d like to buy the two of you dinner as a thank you.”

“Oh I don’t think I could let a woman pay for dinner,” says Bucky.

“We’re what you call a little ol’ fashioned,” laughs Steve. “We’ll pay for dinner, all you gotta do is pick the place.”

The woman laughs as she wipes a tear from her eye.

“Also, um, to answer your question, my name is Bucky. James, but everyone calls me Bucky.”

“And I’m Steve – everyone calls me Steve,” Steve jokingly bumps Bucky’s elbow as the three of them share a laugh after they all swap cell numbers to meet up sometime as promised.

“Well Bucky and Steve, I’m glad to have met you and am forever in your dept. You boys be safe now, and thank you, again” says the woman as she gives the two men a sweet kiss on the cheek goodnight before safely entering the French doors to her apartment.

The two of them walk together in silence – it’s a nice silence, the two of them silently reflect on the good that they done despite the small but noticeable wounds on each other’s faces. That is, until they get back to the compound and they see each other’s faces in the light.

“Buck-“ Steve’s voice is filled with worry at the small still-bleeding cut on Bucky’s right cheekbone. He grabs a cloth from the kitchen and wets it under the tap in cool clean water. “C’mere,” he says, gently pressing the cloth to Bucky’s face as the two of them lean up against the marble counter.

Bucky exhales a small laugh. “Why you so concerned about me, man? Usually it was the other way around when we were kids,” he ponders as he settles into Steve’s hand without realizing it.

“As much as I remember that all of those years ago, that was then; this is now.”

Bucky looks down in a bit of a solemn expression, Steve can see it in his eyes he wants to say something, though he isn’t sure what.

“You were so small and fragile back then. Look at you now. It feels like I can’t do anything for you anymore like when we were kids.”

Steve lets out a small sympathetic chuckle. “Thank you, Buck, really, for everything you’ve done for me. We’re older now- much older,” Bucky laughs as Steve continues, “but no matter what, we’ll still be in this together. ‘Cause I’m with you until the end of the line, pal.”

Bucky’s eyes widen as he looks into Steve’s eyes, those baby blues so crisp and clear it reminds him of the way the light in the bookstore hits them when he’s so focused looking for his pencils. Steve doesn’t notice Bucky looks at him with such intricate detail, but he does. Bucky’s heart starts beating faster out of nowhere, and he wonders if Steve can hear it or even feel it given his hand is still pressed against his cheek. The thought alone makes him heat up a little bit. Was it embarrassment? Nerves? Fear? He wasn’t sure. Steve’s expression softens a bit, too.

“Buck-“

“Steve-“ They talk over one another. The two of them laugh.

“You go first,” Steve encourages Bucky.

“S-Steve,” Bucky begins nervously, “for as long as I’ve known you - and I’ve known you for a long time, too - ” Steve laughs, “you’ve always looked out for the things important to you, whether that be things you believe in, or the people closest to you, or simple strangers and their innocent dogs on the street on your way home from the bookstore,” Steve’s expression softens even more, a hint of a blush rising in his cheeks, the gleam of tears in his eyes. “It- … it’s what I’ve always loved about you. I love you, Steve,” Bucky’s own eyes begin to tear up as his heart beats the fastest it’s ever beaten before, and Bucky’s a super soldier.

Tears fall from Steve’s eyes, “I love you, too, Buck.”

Bucky’s so stunned Steve said it back without so much as a second thought. As he scrambles to catch up to what he just heard, Steve thinks for him as he swiftly meets his lips with Bucky’s. Bucky freezes for a second catching up with reality and that he’s not dreaming. He then reaches his right hand up to grasp over Steve’s hand still gently pressing the cloth to his cheek. Steve brings his other hand up to cup Bucky’s jaw, deepening the kiss. Bucky uses his free hand to wrap his hand around Steve’s waist and pull him closer, the soft fabric of Steve’s t-shirt Bucky could get lost in. Steve begins to lead Bucky backwards to the couch in the main living room, as Buck grabs the cloth from Steve’s hand and tosses it back on the countertop. As they get to the couch, Steve pulls away, still cupping Bucky’s jaw, the two of them breathless. 

“A-are you… s-sure you shouldn’t… keep pressure on it? We can stop and I can take care of it-“

“Steve,” Bucky interrupts, “I’m a super soldier, remember? I got the serum just the same as you do. I’ll be good as new come tomorrow,” Bucky reassures him, those steel blue eyes of his ever so gentle and reassuring.

“I know, it’s just,” Steve lets out a small sigh, “back when we were kids you were always the one to take care of me. I guess… I guess I just want to be able to take care of you as a thank you for what you’ve done all those years.” Bucky doesn’t remove his gaze. “And when we were teenagers I was just a sixteen-year-old kid and you were seventeen…” Steve pauses and blushes as he looks at his shoes, not being able to look into Bucky’s eyes, “that’s when I knew I loved you, Buck. Not just as a childhood best friend, but more than that.” Bucky begins blushing too as he’s the one now with tears in his eyes. “You were always there for me, even when I had no one. You made me feel safe, and I looked up to you. Both literally and figuratively, mind you,” Bucky smiles, “But it’s true…I… I love you love you, James Buchanan Barnes.”

The tears fall from Bucky’s eyes. “I love you love you, too, Steven Grant Rogers,” before he kisses Steve again, letting their lips say all of the things they have both been dying to say for over 80 years.  
*********************************************************************************************************************************************

“Well that was a great movie, don’t you think?” Wanda asks as the three of you exit the theatre and head back to the compound.

“Family favourites never disappoint,” you happily exclaim as you all walk and talk about the amazing actresses and powerful women who are Sandra Bullock, Mindi Khaling**[check spelling], etc.

When the three of you ladies get back to the compound, you enter the kitchen to find a slightly bloodied cloth on the counter. Alarmed, you start looking for the others. You all split up, you taking the main living room. You stop in your tracks and find your two boys asleep soundly on the couch, Steve resting on Bucky’s chest, their breathing perfectly in sync. Nat quickly comes in to find you putting a blanket gently over them, smiling at her when you head towards here, gesturing to Wanda everything is okay as she enters the room with the rest of you. You ladies exchange a happy, adorable smile, all three of you heading out of the living room to the elevators, when you’re the last one to leave. You look back as you turn out the lights.

“Goodnight, my boys.”

End of chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky woke up laying on top of Steve in the middle of the night. He wasn’t sure what time it was, but it was still dark in the common room. He realized he wasn’t dreaming when he woke up, he really is laying on top of Steve with a blanket over them, though he doesn’t remember how that blanket got there. Just then Steve starts moving around, Bucky’s scared he woke him up. 

“Hey, Buck,” Steve sleepily wakes up and says to Bucky as he rubs his hand on his back. 

“Hey Stevie,” Bucky replies as he slowly leans in for a kiss, though he’s not sure if he should despite the fact he’s laying on top of Steve on a couch in the common room at god knows what time it is. Steve looks into Bucky’s eyes and sees everything he absolutely wants to. His best friend, the love of his life, and he’s known it for as long as he’s known him. The one.

Steve reaches a hand to stroke Bucky’s hair, though it’s still long he just wants this to be a memory of a new beginning with Bucky. The beginning of a chapter that the two of them always wanted. Steve leans in and pulls Bucky close and sweeps his lips over his. Bucky exhales softly and presses his lips to Steve’s. Steve slides a hand down Bucky’s back and pulls him closer. Bucky moans softly as he feels his pecs press against Steve’s. They’re touching in so many places Bucky is getting a little aroused and flushed, yet Steve is doing the same thing, though neither of them can tell since it’s so dark they can barely see each other, but the darkness only makes them turned on all the more.   
Bucky bites Steve’s bottom lip and Steve lets out a small moan. Steve wraps his arms around Bucky’s waist pulling even tighter against him, Bucky subtly climbing up on Steve rubbing his knee between his legs. Steve lets out a small growl only encouraging Bucky more. Bucky’s breathing a little more heavy, when he asks, “S-Steve *huff* *huff*… Do you think we should-“ 

“I’m already with you Buck,” Steve eagerly replies as he sits up and helps Bucky up.

The two of them eagerly go to the elevators, and Steve can’t wait to get to his bedroom. Steve pushes Bucky against the wall and hungerly takes his mouth in his. “F-fuck- Steve.. mmmmf” 

“I couldn’t wait until we got to my room,” Steve admits as he starts to let his hands roam around Bucky’s body. Just then, the elevator dings as the doors open. Steve drops his hands as if nothing happened and the two of them head into the elevator and hits the floor button. Bucky figures he has a few floors, so now it’s his turn. He grabs Steve’s waist and pushes him up against the wall. “Geez, looks like you’re getting a little excited there, Buck” Steve claims as he sees Bucky’s hunger in the way he’s devouring his neck. There’s definitely going to be a mark in the morning but Steve could care less at this point. 

The elevator dings as they arrive on their floor. Bucky pushes Steve down the hall as they keep kissing and can’t keep their hands off one another. They stumble to Steve’s room as he gets the door, taking their layers off as they enter. Bucky grabs the bottom hem of Steve’s t-shirt and pulls it over his head. Steve grabs the button of his jeans and starts to unbutton them as Bucky takes his shirt off. They work their way to the bed as Bucky undoes Steve’s jeans and starts to tug them down exposing his boxer briefs in the lamp light. Steve pushes Bucky down on the bed as he kneels on top of him and works off Bucky’s jeans, his own boxer briefs rubbing against the comforter of his bed. Steve can see Bucky’s growing erection as he rests his forearm above Bucky’s head and passionately kisses him. Steve leans down and kisses his neck, nibbling a little before he feels Bucky gently direct his mouth back to his as he slides his tongue in his mouth. Steve moans around Bucky’s tongue as they start making out like there’s no tomorrow, and knowing the things the two of them went through, it really is like there’s no tomorrow.

“Mmmmm, B-Bucky, pl-please *huff*,” Steve moans, sending it straight to Bucky’s core. 

“What is it baby?” Bucky asks as he kisses Steve’s neck.

“Pl-please, I w-want you…”

“I want you t-too,”

“I want to f-feel you,” Steve pleads, he doesn’t care if he sounds desperate, a man whore for being easy, too fast, they’ve been in love all these 80 years of course it’s not rushing anything. 

“R-really? I don’t want you do anything you don’t want-“

“Fuck me Bucky, fuck me please!!” Steve pleads almost a little too loudly, but neither of them cared. They’ve waited this long.  
Bucky doesn’t even say anything, he just kisses Steve hungerly, “alright, Captain, get on your back and lay down for me like the good little soldier you are,” Steve does as he’s told,  
“Yes, Sergeant,” Steve obeys, his member leaking precum at the tip.

Bucky pulls down his boxer briefs, exposing his thick, rock hard member as he grabs a bottle of lube from his nightstand drawer. 

“I’m going to be gentle okay, I want our first time to be… well, special,” Bucky blushes as he preps Steve.

“Ahh- M-mhmm, me too Buck- Oh!” Steve moans as he can almost release at Bucky’s fingers being where they’ve never been.

“God I want to be inside you and make you shake with pleasure,” Bucky growls as he gets more and more excited, Steve is only edging him on at this point.

“Ahh! Heh, don’t get the idea out of your head too quickly Barnes, I’m going to have my way with you when your done- Oh god, Buck!” Steve says before he gets cut off by the initial thrust as Bucky fucks him as hard as Steve pleaded.   
************************************************************************************************************************************  
Come the next day, the two of them spent the day with a nice shower, and took a nice stroll in the park. They found a nice park bench and sat there together in the moonlight, Bucky and Steve holding hands because they finally got what they’ve always wanted – each other. <3

End of chapter 4


End file.
